Letting Go of Resentment
In the course of living, we are often hurt by others. Holding in hurt feelings over months, or even years, is very stressful and cause minor and major disease. Learning to forgive significant hurts and then move on is an important part of being healthy, in both mind and body.
The Forgiving Crisis
We can laugh or explain away small hurts. But some hurts are so unfair and so deeply felt, that they cause “a forgiving crisis”-we can’t bring ourselves to forgive the person who caused the hurt (even in cases where we know they didn’t mean to hurt us). If you’ve been hurt, you probably feel anger, or even hatred. Holding in such feelings is stressful, and can also increase other stresses. When you face your pain (and the person who hurt you) you can end the “forgiving crisis” and lead a healthier, happier life.
Learn a Way to Forgive
Being hurt by someone you trust can be particularly painful. While it may be difficult, try to be open and accepting as you explain to that person what he or she did to hurt you so deeply. Then try to imagine that the event had not happened. You may find that you are able to stand back and be objective about the person who hurt you. You may find that the person is weak, needy, or simply human, and needs your help. With new insights, your pain and anger may give way to forgiving and compassion. If you reach out, that person may be willing to try to renew your friendship.
The Nature of Forgiving
Forgiving is part of healing, but it is not excusing, denying, hiding, or ignoring the event that caused the pain. Forgiving includes remembering, letting go of anger, recognizing what happened, and moving on. Forgiving is often a slow, confusing process. You can forgive and still feel anger.
The Benefits of Forgiving
Forgiving makes your life easier. It gives you greater peace of mind. You can get on with your life when part of you is freed from having to resent those who have harmed you.
If you are having personal problems or trouble managing your life, you may contact a counselor by calling 301-766-7600. A professional counselor will discuss your problem with you and set up a counseling appointment as soon as possible. The process is simple, confidential and FREE for employees of The Arc of Washington County and their household members.
Source: Meritus Behavioral Health Employee Assistance Program